Chicago White Sox fall to Chicago Cubs, but life is meaningless
What a bizarre day for a Red Line rivalry, White Sox fans. As the South Siders won five in a row against the team with the worst active losing streak of any major league, the pressure was sort of on the better team.
Before tonight, 10 games to come in AL Central, the enemies will say it’s because “they didn’t play good teams”. The South Siders cracked down on spanking last night, but because the Cubs’ Franken squad is made up mostly of Triple-A players with second jobs, the Cynics say the win doesn’t count because the White Sox cleared the races. . Therefore, as we have seen, a win or a loss will be met with the same derision from critics of the South Side.
And lose, we did.
Facing the mound tonight, Cy Young, prospect Lance Lynn (10-3, top MPM in the American League) against Alec Mills (5-6, boredom, probably emo), who must regret leaving the Royals , the team that has a better record than the Cubs, even though they are 16 games behind the White Sox, who won first place. Luis Robert, who received his 2020 Golden Glove ahead of the game, stepped out tonight, and birthday boy Seby Zavala took his place behind the plate as the much-missed Yasmani Grandal stepped in as that DH.
The ominous black cloud above the Cubs didn’t stop them from running away from Lynn’s cutter, which was unusually off tonight. The Cubs knocked out a run early in the second inning, which could have been a home plate – but since it’s Seby’s birthday, we’re going to skip the blame. Mills gave the White Sox his bargains, and he looked like the no-hitting service pitcher he was for that game in 2020.
Perhaps the Cubs’ successes can be attributed to the luck of the rookie of this panicked scrap team, or perhaps it is the sheer desperation of the overall loss. The White Sox won the Crosstown Trophy yesterday, and the playoffs are almost in the sack with the magic number reduced to 24 tonight with a loss in Cleveland. Conversely, the Cubs are 14-41 in their last 55 games and will need a 24-7 streak to end the season without a loss record.
In this grim desperation of loss, Patrick Wisdom, who looks like the edgy ghost of Jim “Catfish” Hunter, hit a solo homerun on a change from Lynn in the fourth inning, before the Cubs charged up the goals. This prompted pitching coach Ethan Katz to visit the mound and (presumably) tell Lance Lynn that this game doesn’t matter and life is largely meaningless. Rafael Ortega’s grand slam gave the Cubs a six-point lead as the White Sox still failed to score.
The louse living inside Wisdom’s mustache rejoiced as he punched another Lynn solo dinger in the fifth, and it was the last of the North Side offense. While White Sox fans suffered a Cubs loss in this midseason Saturday night, we can at least celebrate the extension of international pop superstar Yoán Moncada’s hitting streak to 14 games, because that’s the only thing they’ve won. The Good Guys exhausted their offense yesterday with 17 points, and even the strongest Cubs killers in our roster failed to deliver.
Mills didn’t make a full game, being called out after giving up a single and walk in the ninth. The White Sox could now see Cub Codi Heuer for the final two strikeouts of the ninth, and the game ended in a shutout.
In the aftermath of this colorless contest, let’s take a moment to offer our gratitude where it is due. Thank you:
- Lance Lynn, for still having the lowest ERA in the American League at 2.59.
- Cubs, for Eloy and Cease, and (probably) Kimbrel and Tepera.
- Cubs Nation for being on life support and sort of still talking about the White Sox for allowing races to score, or for not winning every game. And for challenging the White Sox wins by crippling them with cognitive dissonance and a lack of understanding that a win is a win. If you don’t understand the irony of your refusal to recognize the winning White Sox, then it’s easy to understand your tolerance for being a Cubs fan.
But for those of you who are fed up with the mental gymnastics it takes to cope with endless loss, I offer an invitation to the previously ardent Cubs fans – those who love baseball, Chicago, and rightfully there. for the game, and not for the “culture” of pissing Wrigley off and jerking off in an old pee bin – come on, my friends, because you deserve more than that. It’s fun talking about baseball with you, and we understand the frustration of questionable management decisions. You laughed at you when you were told that being a Cubs fan is not a club you can be in unless you donate some more money to a private network. You suffered from Rotten Ricketts racism and privilege, and you knew giving the Cubs money would be unethical at best, and punitive at worst. The owners of your team have decimated the dynasty and destroyed the hope that remained, and here you are on scorched, bruised and bruised earth.
We have the balm. Follow the light, dear lost souls. Remember, no matter how much the White Sox win, they can never win in the eyes of their opponents, even holding a World Series trophy in their hands. Prepare for contempt and give the Pale Hose permission to free you from your misery, if you can find it deep inside yourself to shed the self-imposed identity of a baseball team that you do not gamble and have nothing to do with it in real life. It’s okay to switch to the White Sox unless you make one.
Again, as Ethan Katz (probably) told Lance Lynn in a nihilistic aside, “Life doesn’t make sense.”
White Sox fans, thank you personally on my part, Di Billick, for reading what I write about our favorite team. I am thrilled to be a new writer for South Side Sox, joining a team of tremendously talented individuals, and hope to have the privilege of reporting to you long after the playoffs this year. And finally, thanks to the cynical misanthropes of the White Sox, the naysayers of AL Central, and the know-it-all hot dog sluts. Your wickedness gives us good material.